I'm back?

[jaala]

Due to the deleterious effects of algorithmic social media and the enshittification of Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and Tumblr, I've been trying out Mastodon... and maybe considering returning here? Hello, Dreamwidth world!

To reintroduce myself: I used to work backstage in opera and theatre, had to stop due to COVID, then crashed hard when I tried returning to it in spring 2022. I'm a part-time caregiver for my mother, and still figuring out how to eventually regain some of my own independent life.

Comments

[the_siobhan]

I'm a part-time caregiver for my mother, and still figuring out how to eventually regain some of my own independent life.

It's not easy, is it? I'm doing something similar for my step-father and it really sucks up all the extra time and energy.

Also, hello!

[jaala]

Hello, fellow Torontonian!

Yes, it absolutely eats up everything. I've started to carve out some time away each week, but then I can't sleep at night or focus while awake. Here's hoping things will improve; it's at least nice to have other caregivers to talk to.

[jaala]

P.S. Looking at your blog, I note some other similarities between us. Let me express fellow feeling about that too. My sister also lives in the US but can't move. Luckily (?), I have no step-relatives or other surviving parent and my uncles' health crises are being handled by other family members. I don't know how I'd cope with another person.

I just finished moving my mother from the family house to a two-bedroom condo unit in the midst of her third major surgery this year, so yeah ... house stuff ... medical deadlines, urgh.

Is your step-father in a seniors residence? How do you find that? My mother's condo isn't specifically for seniors but has a lot of them. I'm trying to persuade her to attend their social and exercise activities.

[the_siobhan]

The residence has it's pluses and minuses - if I knew then what I know now I would have insisted on a publicly funded one. He chose a private org and they nickle and dime him for every single thing. Plus since they are profit-driven they are very concerned with their image and they are more concerned about it looks to have certain "kinds" of residents than I think is acceptable. (He came back from a lengthy hospital stay with a catheter and they really didn't want to let him move back in in spite of the fact that their staff would zero to do with dealing with it - I had to show my teeth a couple of times.)

Having said that, many of the front-line staff are genuinely lovely. Most of his day to day help comes from provincially funded Personal Support Workers since he uses a wheelchair and they are absolutely awesome.

I'm always encouraging him to do social events as well, but he's so resistant. I think part of the problem is that he comes very strongly from a background that men and women can't be friends and it's almost all women in the residence.

[jaala]

Mum had a respite stay in a for-profit residence after her knee surgery, and I hear you on the nickel and diming. They kept the fee details vague until actually charging them, and apparently forgot we had already requested internet, laundry, and food delivered to her room as a COVID precaution.

When I moved her out after 28 days--because I already knew they'd try something--I had to wait hours in the lobby to demand they remove charges for "the second month". Then had to come back a month later to pick up the new invoice "because our accountant can't do anything until then".

A few of the staff were sweet and caring; many appeared overwhelmed and stressed. I wonder if those are the places Doug Ford likes to crow about building?

Mum would qualify for PSW help with bathing, but absolutely refuses even to have someone just check in at bedtime. It's mostly women in her condo too.