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jaalaEver had one of those days where everything that could go wrong, did? No, wait, let me rephrase that...
Ever had one of those days where everything that went wrong, even if it was of no big consequence, depressed you immensely? This was one of those days. I've been tired and tending towards sombreness all day, even though I've slept far too long practically every night since Thursday.
* * *
Most recently, the thing that depressed me was the brass ensembles concert. Perhaps the very resonant acoustics in the chapel made it difficult for the players to hear, but there wasn't a whole lot of "ensemble" playing going on. As I was listening, two ideas struck me as they have so many times before:
Why? Many of these same people participate in the jazz band which is very good, either at the same level as my high school's or better. Heck, a lot of these same people also sing in the choirs and vocal jazz ensembles; I have not heard the chamber choir, but the large choir and both vocal ensembles are leaps ahead of any such groups in my high school. I just don't understand why there should be such a gap.
Oh, and nobody talked to me at the concert. And I took it far too badly, already being depressed about the music.
* * *
A bunch of happenings today on the pure annoyance and frustration scale too.
* * *
I also was working myself into a state at the concert when nobody else besides the aforementioned professor even acknowledged my existence. As may be gathered from previous comments, I'm feeling pathetically1 friendless right at the moment too. I'm starting to lose so many of my newly made friends. Today's was the final mixed vocal jazz ensemble rehearsal, and the final send-off for choir. (Our final VJ performance is tomorrow at Imogen's composition recital.) For whatever reason, I seem to make friends most easily with fourth-year students, and they're all graduating. (Heck, I'm not even allowed to stay here at school to watch the ceremony.) I also just bonded with the people Pirates, spending much of the past three weeks with them, and I just found out that one girl with whom I got along quite well is leaving for Mexico next year2.
Imogen has been seriously sick (pneumonia) the past week too, so I've been worried about her. I also (being selfish here) lost my consistently sympathetic sounding board. I'm becoming increasingly frantic as I wonder how I'll get along without her three weeks from now.
I'm also feeling somewhat adrift...displaced, I guess. I'm finding out that my parents won't allow me to take very many belongings back home with me. So really, that place is not my "home" any more; and I still don't feel quite at home here.
1 - Or is that "pathetisad"?
2 - At least most of the other people in that show are staying for at least another year. I just found this person's departure a shock as she's not graduating any time soon.
Ever had one of those days where everything that went wrong, even if it was of no big consequence, depressed you immensely? This was one of those days. I've been tired and tending towards sombreness all day, even though I've slept far too long practically every night since Thursday.
* * *
Most recently, the thing that depressed me was the brass ensembles concert. Perhaps the very resonant acoustics in the chapel made it difficult for the players to hear, but there wasn't a whole lot of "ensemble" playing going on. As I was listening, two ideas struck me as they have so many times before:
- There are a lot of very capable solo instrumental players at this school; some are even phenomenally talented, and some are even phenomenally hard workers. All things considered (location, availability of training, etc.) there are amazing players.
- The instrumental ensembles are nowhere near as good as my high school's instrumental ensembles. The capability is there but, quite simply, people do not play as a group.
Why? Many of these same people participate in the jazz band which is very good, either at the same level as my high school's or better. Heck, a lot of these same people also sing in the choirs and vocal jazz ensembles; I have not heard the chamber choir, but the large choir and both vocal ensembles are leaps ahead of any such groups in my high school. I just don't understand why there should be such a gap.
Oh, and nobody talked to me at the concert. And I took it far too badly, already being depressed about the music.
* * *
A bunch of happenings today on the pure annoyance and frustration scale too.
- First, I woke up just in time to miss lunch. I had some soup left over so I ate that, but was very hungry by 3:00.
- I checked my email to discover that my music history professor disapproves of the subject I have spent the past week researching.
- Then, when I went to the upstairs washroom to change (my roommate had opened the blinds earlier), my roommate returned from the nearby washroom, locked the door and left for class. So I was locked out of my room, unable to get my books or the key for my music locker, unable to brush my teeth or wash my face. It was 2:30pm; the dons were out, and both my monitor and roommate were to be at class until 4:00. I had a crucial vocal jazz rehearsal at 4:00, and the music was in my room.
- I left phone messages (or attempted to) for my music history professor (whose class I was missing), my vocal jazz professor, and the dons.
- I waited until 3:30 when a don came to let me in.
- I still managed to be late for the vocal jazz rehearsal, and I could barely sing with my sore throat and (audibly) empty stomach.
- My music history professor barely acknowledged my existence at the concert tonight.
* * *
I also was working myself into a state at the concert when nobody else besides the aforementioned professor even acknowledged my existence. As may be gathered from previous comments, I'm feeling pathetically1 friendless right at the moment too. I'm starting to lose so many of my newly made friends. Today's was the final mixed vocal jazz ensemble rehearsal, and the final send-off for choir. (Our final VJ performance is tomorrow at Imogen's composition recital.) For whatever reason, I seem to make friends most easily with fourth-year students, and they're all graduating. (Heck, I'm not even allowed to stay here at school to watch the ceremony.) I also just bonded with the people Pirates, spending much of the past three weeks with them, and I just found out that one girl with whom I got along quite well is leaving for Mexico next year2.
Imogen has been seriously sick (pneumonia) the past week too, so I've been worried about her. I also (being selfish here) lost my consistently sympathetic sounding board. I'm becoming increasingly frantic as I wonder how I'll get along without her three weeks from now.
I'm also feeling somewhat adrift...displaced, I guess. I'm finding out that my parents won't allow me to take very many belongings back home with me. So really, that place is not my "home" any more; and I still don't feel quite at home here.
1 - Or is that "pathetisad"?
2 - At least most of the other people in that show are staying for at least another year. I just found this person's departure a shock as she's not graduating any time soon.
